So you think you did a great job decorating your house for Christmas. You got boughs of holly, a full nativity set and a tree the size of Shaquille O’Neal. It might even actually be Shaquille O’Neal, wrapped in tinsel and lights. That guy will do anything for a buck. Have you seen those Icy Hot commercials? Anyway, Melania Trump just unveiled the 2017 White House Christmas decorations, and they put yours to shame. To shame! You better move to Slovenia, and learn whatever she learned, because she’s got style.
You know, we don’t hear much from Melania. Every day, there’s a million news stories about President Trump, but the First Lady’s stayed out of the spotlight. For half the year, she didn’t live in the White House. She lived in New York so their son, Barron, could finish the school year without interruption. Then she announced she’d take on the special cause of “bullying,” which makes sense. After being married to Donald Trump for twelve years, she must be an expert. Most recently, she made the news for an awkward handshake and an old interview where she discussed her sex life. (Okay, I’m starting to see why she stays out of the spotlight.)
Anyway, here’s 18 stunning photos of Melania’s White House Christmas decorations. The official theme is “Time-Honored Traditions.” Will we see elves deported back to Iceland, because they don’t have green cards? Global warming killing Frosty the Snowman? A Christmas tree that’s just Shaquille O’Neal wearing lights and tinsel? Probably not. But no matter what your politics are, these decorations will make you happy.
1. The Cross Hall
Volunteers put up 18,000 lights in the White House – but the pretty reflection makes it look like 36,000.
Uh-oh – now you have to kiss that portrait of Theodore Roosevelt!
3. The East Room
That’s one nativity scene, and two Christmas trees that are definitely not secretly bugged by Russia.
4. The Nativity Scene
Here’s a closer look at the nativity scene. This looks like a missed opportunity for product placement. Instead of the Bethlehem Inn, they could have used Trump Hotel.
Whoa, this is ominous. Has Melania been watching Game of Thrones? This is like the last hallway you walk down before Cersei Lannister stabs you.
6. Official Ornament
Inside this wreath of holly, you can see the Trumps’ official coat of arms. Obviously, it’s gold. This also includes the coat of hands, but they’re too small to be seen on camera. (Ba-dum, ch!)
7. The Blue Room
This is the official White House Christmas tree. It’s 19 and a half feet, and features glass ornaments with the seal of every state and territory. That’s right, all of them. Not just the ones that voted for Trump in the election. We’re united again!
8. Gingerbread House
Whoa, a 350 pound gingerbread house! I like to think that every night, Donald takes a bite out of the back. Then the next day Melania’s like, “Donald, stop eating the gingerbread house.” And Donald’s like, “It wasn’t me.” And Melania’s like, “The secret service saw you.” And Donald’s like, “Nope! Fake news!”
9. The Green Room
It’s pretty, but I think if they added that leg lamp from A Christmas Story, it would really tie the room together.
You gotta love Christmas trees made out of books. Also, I bet Melania hides her Christmas presents for Donald in here, because it’s the one room he never enters.
11. The Red Room
This is another state parlor, where they host dinner parties. In 2016, President Obama used it to eat dinner with Santa Claus and The Grinch, after they signed a peace treaty.
12. The North Portico
When the White House gets visitors, they’re greeted by garlands and blows. And if one of the visitors is Barack Obama, a bunch of green Nickelodeon slime drenches him.
Thank you, First Lady Melania, for making Christmas decorations great again! What did First Lady Michelle Obama do for Christmas decorations? Write “Happy Holidays” on a piece of recycled paper, and hang up carrots instead of candy canes? Probably. That’s what I read on Breitbart.